i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
