Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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