Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
