Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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