wakey wakey hands off snakey
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
