Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
