since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize