I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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