Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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