the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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