I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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