Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
