Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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