I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
