Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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