Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
