I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
