I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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