Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
