you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
