I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
