The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
