I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
