i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
