He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize