I cannot find my penis.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
