He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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