wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
