??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
