God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
