Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I could make wine with my vomit
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
