So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
