Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize