forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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