i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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