someone owes me an orgasm
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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