Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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