it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
