I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
3pm strippers are depressing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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