I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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