return my video game
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
