There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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