Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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