here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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