Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
