Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
