I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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