gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
