Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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