At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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