need another drink. this is the easiest way
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
