Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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