The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
