ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
