You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
