i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
