my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
whose parrot is this?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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