I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize