how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
