my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
