her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
