There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
