She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
