I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
