he thought i was a dude.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
