Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
